btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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