also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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