I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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