There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
