look no pants
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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