Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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