she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
