Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
