Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
