if you like me you must not know who I am
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
