Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
