So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
try to milk me bitch
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