I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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