It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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