This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
