Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
