You can't special order awesome
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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