This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
