my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
