Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
