Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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