The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
