You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
