I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
