hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
