Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
