...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
