I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
