Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
