"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
