Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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