I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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