I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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