and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
