I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
