i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
