What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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