Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this just has baby written all over it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
