this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
