I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
