so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
