i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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