i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
