As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
