Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
