Swine flu. Run for my life!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
