At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
