She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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