I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
