Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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