you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
